Life in Thirty Seconds

When They Say White, They Mean White

August, 1991 - It was a commercial for Pontiac and we had flown into El Paso, TX before being shuttled to our hotel in Alamogordo, New Mexico.  Catherine Lefebvre was directing the commercial for Gibson-Lefebvre-Gartner and the spot was supposed to take place out at White Sands National Monument.  Unlike its name, the landscape is composed of gypsum and calcium sulfate, which is what gives it such a bright white color, and it is actually a desert.  More importantly, and perhaps of greater concern to those of us who were working there, was the fact that on the northern end of the grounds was a missile test site for military use.  More importantly, was the fact that White Sands is home to the Trinity Site, aka “Ground Zero.”  This is where the first ever nuclear bomb was detonated.

Also important to note that Roswell was close by.  So the location was wrought with history, shrouded in mystery, and somewhat hazardous to our health.  

If I remember correctly, I believe we even had to wear radiation detection badges to monitor our exposure to possible radiation.  That’s always a comfortable work environment in which to enter.

The commercial itself wasn’t terribly interesting, a Pontiac automobile staged in front of white sand dunes, seated on a white surface.  What was more fascinating was the location itself.  We were cautioned prior to arriving that the reflective quality of the white “sand” is so intense that they recommend wearing those lovely, oversized cataracts sunglasses on top of your own pair of sunglasses, to avoid snow blindness.

They also cautioned all the men not to wear shorts, but if they did choose to do so it was suggested that we avoid wearing boxers underneath.  Again, the “sand” is so reflective that should your package be exposed via baggie boxers, you could risk getting a very uncomfortable sun burn!!  Not kidding.

The most notable experience from that day was watching a military plane approach our location from high overhead.  It did not look like anything familiar to anyone, but with the sand glare, the heat, and the aircraft’s altitude it could have been easily distorted.  But we all noticed how quiet its approach was until it flew over us and then, only then, did we really hear the engines.  Looking back with historical hindsight, I would have to say that we were witnessing a Stealth B-2 bomber.  

We ended up filming into the night and, as a result, had to mimic the daylight by breaking out several large lamps and a 20’x20’ silk to diffuse the light into a nice, indirect daylight look.  But this is the desert.  And the critters don’t sleep at night, especially insects.  It wasn’t too long before every flying insect, moth, or winged creature within a 20 mile radius had congregated on our lights.  In fact, the density of the bugs was great enough that it was actually affecting the light exposure.  We had to wrap and return the next day to get the shot.  In other words, the end of the day was scrapped due to an infestation of biblical proportions.

Like I said, the Pontiac spot was less than memorable, but the location was unforgettable.

Losing the Battle, But Not the War

1992 - After severe backlash from the die-hard fans of Coca-Cola, the soft drink pioneer decided to scrap the “New Coke,” recipe and return to the “Classic” Coca-Cola taste.  Despite conspiracy theories postulating that the beverage was a deliberate attempt to provoke controversy with no real intention behind marketing the re-invented formula, I can say with confidence that the efforts were genuine.

Pepsi had been dominating the market with their campaign “the choice of a new generation.”  In addition to the new slogan, Pepsi supported the marketing campaign with top notch celebrities, such as Michael J. Fox, Michael Jackson and Madonna.  Surprisingly enough Coca-Cola still had a stronghold on the top position, with respect to sales.  But they chose to react to a culture shift that gave the perception of a long term decline in market share.  And so, they tried to beat Pepsi at their own game - by trying to better replicate the taste of Pepsi in a Coke can.

The result was “New” Coke, with the all new recipe, that was announced in 1985.  It was a tragic, desperate attempt to appease a younger generation of pop drinkers by directly replicating their main competitor.  Coke consumers were not happy.

When “Classic” Coca-Cola re-appeared to the joy of citizens of carbonated beverage land there was rejoice.  But ever the capitalists, the minds at Coca-Cola refused to simply scrap the new recipe.  So, instead, they tried the Procter & Gamble method of gaining more shelf space.  Thus, Coke II was born as an alternative to Pepsi for die-hard Coca-Cola consumers, like the majority of folks in the south where Coca-Cola is headquartered.

Coke wanted this new brand to work.  I know, because I worked on one of the campaigns that tried to launch the new product.  The set was built in a dance studio in Studio City and reproduced a Manhattan rooftop, with appropriate skyline in the distance.  There was a gentleman, young & hip, who strolled across the rooftop with his shiny, icy-cold Coke II in his hand singing the new, top-secret jingle, that went something like this:

“Coke II, the one for you.  We got your number Pepsi.”

Sadly, the campaign was another bust for Coca-Cola and the product died a quiet, miserable death in the shadows of the beverage aisles of local supermarkets.

I have tried desperately to locate that gem of a campaign, but alas, to no avail.  At least not yet.  In my travels, I have come across some writings regarding the matter.  Should your desire to learn more provoke you to dig deeper, you can visit this the Coke II blogspot and read all about it.  Or, you can always learn about it on Wikipedia.

I must confess, however, that as cheesy as the campaign jingle was (and it was cheesy), it has managed to haunt me for twenty years.  What’s that all about?!

Where oh Where has my Alligator Gone?

Mar. 1992 -  Miller Genuine Draft was in its hey day of advertising.  They had been pushing a big campaign boasting the fact that they are “cold filtered.”  So everything had a cold theme, which is why the set looked like a balmy South American jungle.

The concept was simple:  hot, sexy women; resourceful, rugged men; and vicious man-eating alligators separating them.  Crack open an MGD and freeze over the swamp, of course.

So the producer and the director went to an alligator farm just outside of Los Angeles - everything can be found in Los Angeles - and learned all there is to know about alligators.  Specifically, alligators are less active in cold water than they are in warm water.  So you “control” them by regulating their body temperature.  And, of course, taping their mouths shut with duct tape.

The commercial was shot on the backlot of Warner Brothers, where they had two lakes - one large and one small.  We used the small one to “stage” the alligators, and the large one for the set.

Just as expected the alligator performed perfectly, snapping when provoked and sitting still (for the most part) between takes.  Everyone was pleased.  That is, until it the sun began setting and it was time to go home and the alligator wranglers could not locate one of their animals.

The smaller lake temperature had been kept so cool that one of their bigger ones (14’, if memory serves) decided to sink to the bottom of the murky water and have a nap.  So, how do you go about finding an alligator in a dirty pond?  Two of the trainers grabbed a section of chain link fence and began dragging it around the pond hoping to drum up the beast.  But it didn’t work.  So they had to do it the old fashion way.

They got in the water and began feeling around the bottom with their hands and feet.  By now the entire crew had gathered around the small lake in the last vestiges of daylight and watched intently as the search continued.  ”What happens if you find the alligator?” a concerned script supervisor asked.  ”Hope that you find the tail first,” came the response.

It was an intense hour - yes, an hour!  But they finally discovered the beast and dragged him, tail first out of the pond and wrestled him back into one of the shipping crates that carried them here.

That was a first, and hopefully last, for me!

How I Met My Wife

Nov. 1990 - I was only called in for one day of a four day shoot.  It was for the California Egg Council who was fighting desperately to re-brand their product as having received a “bad rap” for the cholesterol levels.  They wanted to sell more eggs and were working hard to overcome recent medical studies that discouraged over consumption of eggs.

“Give Eggs a Break,” was the campaign.  The spots equated eggs with prisoners falsely accused and subsequently released due to false accusations and misinformation.  To execute the spots (click here to watch) little people were inserted into giant fiberglass eggs.  For this particular spot, we had 25 little people - which is a handful.  You get enough little people together and it is like unleashing a fraternity of rambunctious co-eds loose on a set.

Fred Peterman directed the spots for Peterman Films.  I was brought in as an additional 2nd A.D. to wrangle the eggs.  They were a fun bunch to hang around with for a day, but if you have ever seen “Under the Rainbow” you begin to get an idea of what it is like when they gather in large numbers.

My soon-to-be future wife was there, coincidentally for only that day, due to the large number of extras.  While I was in charge of the little people, she was in charge of the military boots they all had to wear.  So our paths crossed.  I was smitten from the start. 

All day I tried to chat her up, ferret out whether she had a current boyfriend or not.  I even tried to recruit one of the little people to do some reconnaissance for me.  But despite his jovial personality, he wasn’t about to investigate on my behalf.  In the end, I learned of her single status all on my own and, spoiler alert, asked her out.

A year to the day later I proposed to her.  We remain married to this day.  And I owe it all to eggs.  

Running of the Squirrels

Feb, 2000 - It was the end of the dot com bubble. The last Superbowl to really feature the extravagance of venture capital funds. EDS, a company started by former Presidential candidate Ross Perot, had seen great success with their Superbowl ad from the previous year where cowboys herded cats. But the bubble was bursting and the quality of the concept didn’t match the amount of money spent on the ad.

Nonetheless, it was quite fascinating to watch semi-“trained” squirrels run through a chroma key blue obstacle course to simulate the running of the bulls. The entire day was spent wrangling and running squirrels.

The best part of the day was the fact that legendary “Matrix” Director of Photography Bill Pope was the man behind the camera. I suppose if you can withstand a trilogy of Keanu Reeves acting, then watching squirrels scramble all over the place is easy stuff.

Eyes on the Prize

August 1990 -

I was the 2nd Assistant Director on a car commercial for Chrysler’s brand Eagle, which no longer exists.  We were filming out in the mountains far from Los Angeles.  Norman Seeff was the director and Marlis/Seeff the production company.  It was a huge campaign - 14 shoot days.  The summer time used to be referred to as “car season,” because the days were long and the car jobs longer.

There was one day in particular that really stood out for me.  We were shooting in the high desert and the sun didn’t go down until almost 8pm.  We had started the day before sunrise, and we still had a long drive back into town.  The production assistants on the job had an even longer day than I did and you could tell the job was wearing them down.  All but one of the guys.

I remember heading to the motorhome to turn in my production report, it was dark by then, and out popped this PA, dressed in a coat and tie and all cleaned up.  I asked him what was the special occasion.  He informed me he had a meeting at Butterfield’s and he had to look sharp.

This particular PA had moved out here from Michigan about a year prior.  He had cobbled together enough financial backers to produce a small horror film in Detroit.  His goal had always been to come to Hollywood and become a big time movie producer.  So he moved out here and took any job he could just to pay the rent while he relentlessly went about pursuing his dream.  No job was too small.  He was all about making some cash to sustain him while he hunted for the perfect script and then got it to the right studio.  This meant working weekends, combing through bad scripts.  Piles of them.  It meant taking late night meetings after a long day of work, just for the opportunity to meet with someone and have them hear his pitch.  This went on and on.

Although I was aware of his goal and I had witnessed the piles of scripts from which he toiled, I was especially impressed with him on this night.  As I said, it had been a long, hot, tiring day amidst a long, grueling car job in the summer.  Anyone else would have cancelled the meeting and gotten some sleep.  But not him.  He kept his eyes on the prize.  That made a big impression on me.  He possessed a clarity of vision unlike anyone else I had met.  His ability to work through the noise and see the objective in the distance and remain laser focused on his destination was commendable.  I envied that drive.

You know where this story is going…  Eventually, he found a good script from an unproven writer, took an option on it, and worked his ass off to sell it.  Which he did.  The script was “Reservoir Dogs,” written by Quentin Tarantino.  The production assistant’s name was Lawrence Bender.  And the rest, as they say, is history.